Losing my Laurie

Many of you already know that Laurie Schenhals (Women's Ministry Director) is stepping down and her last event is the Women's Breakfast on June 2, 2007. I am so sad that I cannot even form the words to explain how upsetting this is for me.

I know it is time. She has been faithful to us since January 1, 2004 and she has been working a full time job at Messiah, has 2 teenage daughters, a loving husband & the world's most spoiled dog... Lilly to take care of. I know all this and I understand it but it doesn't take away the emptiness I feel inside.

Laurie, while working as a Ministry Assistant to Pastor Tim Spirk, took me under her wing and taught me so much about being a great assistant. She is so dedicated to whatever she is committed to, and does it with everything inside her even when her world is falling apart. She never lets the circumstances determine how she is going to feel that day. I love that about her! She is a rock that carries so many when they need her the most, pushing her self aside and loving on who ever needs her.

She has taught me so much just by being herself. I have never had a boss that I have loved more and probably never will. She is my boss, my mentor, my sister& my friend and I will cherish the time I have served under her.

Thank you Laurie... I love you!!!!

The battle with my tongue

I grew up in a family were you were cool if you made the grown-ups laugh. So out of insecurity or just plain wanting attention I learned how to joke with people so that everyone would laugh. But what i didn't realize is that I was cutting them down with my words. At that age I didn't know the power my words held.

I struggle with that today. I have been making jokes for so long I have forgotten how to encourage, and when I try I feel so awkward that it usually doesn't last. I do think great things about people. For instance I might love your outfit or your new hair cut but instead of just saying that, I make a joke.

Someone once told me that people listen to what I say and take it to heart... that I have influence. I never really thought about that before. So ever since then I have been trying to just encourage or say what I feel and think rather than crack a joke. Sometimes it better to be uplifting than funny!

I have such a long way to go but I feel like the Lord is really pressing me on this and I am trying with everything inside of me to be known as the encourager not the jokester. Please keep me in prayer as I battle with my tongue.

Slowly Learning

I really have never had a great relationship with my dad. I always feel weird around him. He is bipolar and refuses to take medicine for it so it's like walking on egg shells around him. I never know what kind of a mood he is going to be in and the if he is in a good mood, something I say can easily set him off. So, needless to say I hardly ever enjoy spending time with him. Also his lifestyle is so different than mine. He says he's a Christian and he know the word, but his life tells a different story.

Just to give you an idea, when I went to Bible School he said it was a waste of money b/c I never got a degree and the credits weren't transferable. But what he failed to see is that God changed me the day I stepped onto that campus and I never want to go back to living like the world. No degree or high paying job could have ever done that. I needed to be there at that time. I wasn't the best student but my walk with the Lord became real then. And that to me was worth going!

When my brother who is attending Lancaster Bible College asked my dad for financial help with one summer class course that was $900.00. He gave him the money and told him that he was going to buy him a $3000.00 motorcycle but this is all he gets now. I think in a way my dad is jealous of my brother because he is at the center of the will of God, and my dad yearns for that but can't die to his flesh.

I shared all of this with you so that you would understand what I struggle with at times. I know that that my Daddy in Heaven loves me but sometimes it's hard to imagine b/c my dad has been a poor example of how a father should be. I shouldn't compare b/c really there is no comparison but aren't we supposed to be like Christ? We are made is his image so why don't we look more like Him? Why do we allow our flesh or the world to dictate how we look? This is why relationship, intimacy with our Father is so important. I am busy working, being a wife and mother and trying to have me time on top of all that but I felt like this year I was supposed to press in deeper than before that if I was faithful with little He would give me so much more. So I am giving him my heart completely... in ALL areas. Including the area of FATHER.

I have struggled with wanting my father's acceptance for as long as I can remember. I was a daddy's girl searching for a daddy who wanted me, spent time with me and loved me. Not to buy me things but to spend quality time with me. A dad that I could trust and respect, admire and be proud of. Lately the Lord has been speaking to me about love and about how much He love me. I know that no matter what I do, I can always count on Him loving me because it is unconditional. That's easy to say but it's a tough thing to walk through when you don't really feel it. I needed to feel it and the Lord is so faithful and He shows me when I feel all alone or when I feel unloved. Because we all have those moments when we feel like no one cares. Where we feel unwanted or not needed. To me it's important to feel needed and God shows me that He needs me, that I have a purpose and that no one can take away the love He has for me.

I love my dad and I hope one day he will walk with the Lord completely but I will not let that relationship dictate how my relationship with my Daddy should be.

Hurting Momma

Friday, May 18th I had a root canal done. I've had 2 other root canals done before on the same tooth. 1 out of every 10 become infected... guess who that lucky 1 was... that's right it was me. So having done this before I thought no big deal. WRONG! This one only took 20 minutes to do b/c there is only one root instead of four. So I was in and out of there within 35 minutes.

Everything was fine afterwards. I even went shopping for the Women's Breakfast (June 2 at 8:30 am... cost $7.00) Just thought I would throw that in there in case you had any questions. I was shopping and shopping and shopping. I got so much accomplished. I came home and watched a movie before picking Laney Bug up. The movie was not so good. It wasn't bad, it's just one of those I won't watch again. A movie has to be really good for me to watch it more than once.

Dan got home around 4:00 and we ate dinner together. After dinner we all went to Walmart. Let me just add that I am not a fan of Walmart. Don't get me wrong... the store has everything and it's so convenient but there are so many people and they are all in a hurry and I always end up getting hurt when I go there. Whether it's pushed shoved bumped or ran over with a cart. It always seems to happen to me. So... I am on pain meds walking around Walmart trying to figure out how to work those stupid photo machines. Well, the first one was broken, the second one didn't accept CD's and by the time I got the third one to work... I brought the wrong CD of pictures. So, off to look for an umbrella stroller we went with me miserable and Dan and Laney Bug in their glory. We found them but there was a crowd of people trying to decide which highchair to buy. I mean come on, does it take 6 people to figure that out and when I say, "Excuse me" do you think you could act like a human being was talking to you and just move 12 inched to the left???? Checking out was a nightmare b/c everyone decided to leave when we did so at 8:36pm everyone in the store was checking out with us. We stood in line behind a child who wanted her ball but her mother insisted on holding it until they got to the register so that she could pay for it. Mind you we weren't even close to the conveyor belt. So the child screamed and the mother yelled and I wanted to forget the stroller and go home, but I felt like I should snap out of my grumpy mood and smile at the child. So i did and she calmed down. Thank you Lord!!! Let me add that if you ever see me at Walmart and I look unhappy... PLEASE forgive me.

So we get home and Laney Bug goes right to sleep. And Dan and I decide to watch a movie. We watched Babel. Good movie but really slow and sad. Anyway, I get sick. Sick in my head, sick in my stomach, and pain in my jaw. So, I pray and I am finally able to go to sleep around 1 am.

This morning, I am so sick I have to call my mom to come get Laney Bug so that I can start to feel better b/c there was no way I could have taken care of a 10 month old feeling as bad as I did. So the best mom in the world came over and took her for the day. P.S. Hubby was working.

So now I am well enough to get on my computer and share this story with you. And hopefully this will continue so that I am able to go to church tonight!

Mother's Day Gifts

Yes, this was my first official Mother's Day, Last year Laney Bug was still in my belly. I had a wonderful relaxing day full of surprises. I know money is tight with us now b/c of all our remodeling so I figured my husband was going to cook me breakfast and that was it. Believe me that would have been plenty. I hate cooking breakfast. I enjoy cooking, just not breakfast.

So, after my wonderful breakfast, my husband makes me go into the bedroom while he hides my gifts. Hummmmm... what gifts I'm thinking, but I go ever so obedient into our room to wait. Meanwhile my mind is racing with "What did he get?" "What money did he use?"(I do the finances) "How much is this going to set us back?" And then in bounces my husband with nothing but teeth covering his face. And all of a sudden I don't care where he got the money b/c he is blessing me and I need to accept that.

So around 11:30 am on Mother's Day a 27 year old woman was playing the hot & cold game with her 28 year old husband while their 10 month old daughter is napping. And we had so much fun acting like we were 8 years old again. That was probably the best gift he gave me.

My husband is a great clothes shopper! He pulled off buying me to complete outfits which fit perfectly. And my Laney Bug bought me a beautiful silver chain for a locket (that I don't have yet... hint hint Dan).

I may not have a big beautiful house, a fancy European car, Money to spend on all the finest duds but I am the wealthiest person I know. I have an amazing Savior who loves me so much and has blessed me with the perfect family that I love with all my heart and would never trade for the world! I love you Krazy Klinger!!!!

ALL BY MYSELF

Well, it is the day after Mother's Day and I am off of work and Laney Bug is at the sitters and I have the entire day to myself. Now the million dollar question is... what do I do now? I seem to be a bit lost without my family here asking me to do something or in Laney's case making noises and reaching for me. I guess I should start with a cup of coffee and maybe just maybe I will be able to finish it before it gets cold and I have to reheat it a few times. Then I can check my email without a few interruptions. Oh yes then there's my favorite a long hot shower and I can actually shave my whole leg, not just the bottom part b/c i don't have time and I'm wearing capris anyway but the entire leg. Come to think of it, the only thing I can do today that I normally don't get interrupted while I am doing it is the laundry b/c no one wants to do it so they leave me alone in our basement to do laundry. I guess I should get going before my coffee gets cold.