Thursday, January 28th is the day of our ultrasound. I was planning on not finding out and even convinced Mr.Clean to let it be a surprise. There is only one problem... I have yet to bond with this child. And although that might be common...I have not experienced that with either of my other children. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Laney, I fell in love with her. I prayed for her, sang to her and talked to her everyday. Same with Arkman. There was an instant connection with them.
I know I am not a bad mother but I feel bad at times when I tell people that I have not bonded with this child. It's so bad that I rarely talk to the baby or prayer for the baby. Mr. Clean does most of that. I seem to have no interest. And that is the worst feeling in the world for me. So while talking my hubby, he suggested that we find out so that I can start planning a nursery, we can pick a name and speak that name over the child. I was hesitant at first but now I am on board.
I know I am not a bad mother but I feel bad at times when I tell people that I have not bonded with this child. It's so bad that I rarely talk to the baby or prayer for the baby. Mr. Clean does most of that. I seem to have no interest. And that is the worst feeling in the world for me. So while talking my hubby, he suggested that we find out so that I can start planning a nursery, we can pick a name and speak that name over the child. I was hesitant at first but now I am on board.
So in about a week we should know what this little peanut is! If you would like to guess than head over to the survey on the right side of my blog and enter in your guess. I will post after we know and tell our families!
3 comments:
Amanda that is all so understandable! You were not ready for this child nor was it planned, it took you by surprise and it should take some time for that to settle with you. It will come because it is your child, and I am here with you throughout it! I am going to say girl but I was hoping you would have a boy too! Either way, if they marry or best friends that grow up together like you and me, we will all be happy. Love you guys!
In addition to the good stuff that Meghann said, you should also remind yourself that caring for the two in front of you daily is more than a full-time job.
It stands to reason that you are fully occupied, even pre-occupied. And to a degree, you are living the fact that babies mean hard work.
Be very kind to yourself over this issue - extend grace and just do what you know is the right thing to do. Your heart will line up!
I've been there, and I'll pray for you. I remember the struggle well.
Amanda,
Don't feel bad cheeka. With my first pregnancy I didn't know I was pregnant until I lost the baby (I was only 4 weeks). The second baby I bonded with right away, loved him, prayed, and connected with the baby, then lost him at 8 weeks prego. That so affected me that when we found we were pregnant this time around with Jeremiah I had a really hard time bonding with him. I was very reserved this time, anxious, and a little scared honestly of getting too attached to him in case something happened this time. I was actually a little depressed in the beginning. I felt so bad about it that one night I just cried on Justin asking him why I wasn't happy about this pregnancy. We both think it was a combination of being afraid that my heart would be broken again and a attack of the enemy. Once we got past the scary part, we found out we were having a boy, naming him, talking to him that I really started to bond with him. I know it will even more so once I have him and hold him.
This pregnancy wasn't planned for you guys, but it is a blessing and it seems to me that the enemy wants to take away from that. I will pray for you that the Lord will help you bond with this baby and you will feel the same love for this one that you felt with Laney and Noah. I think it will help too once you know if its a boy or girl. Love ya girl, keep your chin up and do not feel bad for not connecting right away, you will. :) Praying the Lord's blessings on you and your family. And honestly I'm not getting a feeling either way whether it'll be a boy or a girl.
Ashley
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