I have often thought about who I am... not in Christ because I don't have to question that. What I mean is what category do I fit into. Let me explain or try to explain.
When I was young I was a tomboy (to the point of peeing outside with the neighbor boys). Then I found out about Barbies and I was a total girl. I was a cheerleader and hated it except for competitions so I quit and started feild hockey which I loved and played until I was a junior in high school. Then I made horribly bad decisions and quit and did nothing but hang out with my bad for me boyfriend. During that time however I became obsessed with always wanting to be done up or look put together. After I moved away I was into hiking and being "out-doorsy". I then moved to the beach and became a beach bum. Later I went to Elim Bible Institute and became a professional that had to dress up like a grown up. And now I am a stay at home mom with no style because my clothes are too small and my maternity clothes are too big. arghhh.
So to sum it all up... tomboy, cheerleader, athlete, prep, earthy, beach bum, professional, mom! I am all over the place when it comes to style, personality and hobbies. So who am I? That is a question I am trying to figure out. There is no mold for me and I feel so out of place. This is so bad that it is effecting my relationships with people because I feel like I don't belong. I've tried for so long to figure out why I am all of a sudden feeling like this because I have been like this my whole life so why the sudden panic? I don't know if I am tired of the change and maybe need a little more stability in my life or if I am losing my mind. I am hoping for the first and not the second one! Do I really need to even have a title or category? Does everyone go through this weird stage or am I the only one who feels like she is an alien right now? Why is it important to me? Why does this consume so much of my thought life?
If anyone can help or recommend a good shrink (kidding), I would love to hear from you.
When I was young I was a tomboy (to the point of peeing outside with the neighbor boys). Then I found out about Barbies and I was a total girl. I was a cheerleader and hated it except for competitions so I quit and started feild hockey which I loved and played until I was a junior in high school. Then I made horribly bad decisions and quit and did nothing but hang out with my bad for me boyfriend. During that time however I became obsessed with always wanting to be done up or look put together. After I moved away I was into hiking and being "out-doorsy". I then moved to the beach and became a beach bum. Later I went to Elim Bible Institute and became a professional that had to dress up like a grown up. And now I am a stay at home mom with no style because my clothes are too small and my maternity clothes are too big. arghhh.
So to sum it all up... tomboy, cheerleader, athlete, prep, earthy, beach bum, professional, mom! I am all over the place when it comes to style, personality and hobbies. So who am I? That is a question I am trying to figure out. There is no mold for me and I feel so out of place. This is so bad that it is effecting my relationships with people because I feel like I don't belong. I've tried for so long to figure out why I am all of a sudden feeling like this because I have been like this my whole life so why the sudden panic? I don't know if I am tired of the change and maybe need a little more stability in my life or if I am losing my mind. I am hoping for the first and not the second one! Do I really need to even have a title or category? Does everyone go through this weird stage or am I the only one who feels like she is an alien right now? Why is it important to me? Why does this consume so much of my thought life?
If anyone can help or recommend a good shrink (kidding), I would love to hear from you.
7 comments:
Its funny that you posted about this. I always feel like a misfit but more recently I am going through a new transition too, all the boys will be in full day school. Where does this leave me? I have never been without kids. So now I am going through a self discovery moment too. I don't think you are weird (all though most would put me in the weird category). I think we do go through stages. So I guess all that to say I am there with you trying to figure myself out too. :)
:) The Bible says that Paul was "all things to all people" which I interpret as: able to relate to everybody. I see this quality in you. YOu are able to relate to men and women, moms and single gals, tom boys and girlie girls. I don't think it's a drawback at all, you have the unique gift of being able to talk to anybody about anything. Just think how the Lord can use that!!
I am right with you. I too, have gone through the tomboy and girlie girl stages, as well as preppie, a little bit alternative, professional and definitely frumpy-mom stage. And through most of the stages I too have felt out of place. In fact, a new hump in my identity search is what has prompted my recent posts.
That said, I think that it is normal to question identity as you adjust to being a stay-at-home mom. And having the second child adds to the mom identity, but detracts from the "what am I besides a mom?" Maybe I'm not making any sense!
Yippee! Another alien! :-)
Different seasons bring about different identities and I've learned it isn't so important what I am doing, but the attitude in which I am doing it. Does that make sense?
Besides, you are just such a cool person because you're Amanda...not because you were a beach bum or tom boy!
Molds are boring. I've always wanted to get to know you...maybe because you don't fit a mold? :)
I used to struggle with this alot. I know this sounds funny, but when I turned 30, something inside me changed and I began to enjoy myself more and more. Now, I realize that all the different titles I went through in the past, has prepared me for my current one... a person who gets to minister to young adults. God uses EVERYTHING for His purpose. And for every season that you tried something new on, including this one, He will use it for His glory.
Embrace the season of life you are in - motherhood. Learn everything you can about it and remember that at some point you will have the opportunity to in turn teach another woman.
I have been going through some of this similiar stuff too. There has definitely been a lot of transitions going on - I too have been the jock, the prep - not the cheerleader - and now the mommy.
God is good. He will lead us through these seasons.
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