I have been reading blogs lately that are just down right honest and I love it... being the truth seeker that I am. I love it when people especially Christians are honest with themselves and with others even when it means telling the world that you don't have it all together. No one really does have it all together so why do we feel the need to pretend or put on a front around our peers that everything is great and we couldn't be more perfect. Yuck even typing that makes my stomach turn. I literally get sick when I hear or I am around fake people... that is how God wired me to be so I live with it and actually like it.
So, now that you know a little more about me than you bargained for I want to share with you my struggle. I am a very secure person except when it comes to the call on my life or when I am forced to minister to people. I say forced because the Lord really does have to force me. I know I know... I'm working on it. I feel as though who am I to pray for this person or who am I to speak into that person's life? I know it is the enemy trying to hinder me from being used as a vessel of the Lord but I can't shake it. I pronounce that it is not me but the Lord using me and that the enemy has no ground but there is still an uneasy feeling and a doubt that rises up inside me. I am a real good behind the scenes person but ask me to step out where I can be judged, mocked and ridiculed and I want no part in it.
Being on the Ministry Team has been a huge step for me and I feel as though I have made huge steps pursing the Lord and honoring Him but I still lack the confidence because I look to my flesh for the courage instead of looking for my God given courage in Him to pursue the next adventure He has for me.
I want nothing more than to go after what God is doing now in this present time. I don't want to miss Him because I am too scared to go after it with everything inside me. I get so frustrated with myself because I can be in front of a crowd and speak, crack jokes and be real with them as long as I don't have to "minister" to them. hahaha I am a mess, please pray for me.
So, now that you know a little more about me than you bargained for I want to share with you my struggle. I am a very secure person except when it comes to the call on my life or when I am forced to minister to people. I say forced because the Lord really does have to force me. I know I know... I'm working on it. I feel as though who am I to pray for this person or who am I to speak into that person's life? I know it is the enemy trying to hinder me from being used as a vessel of the Lord but I can't shake it. I pronounce that it is not me but the Lord using me and that the enemy has no ground but there is still an uneasy feeling and a doubt that rises up inside me. I am a real good behind the scenes person but ask me to step out where I can be judged, mocked and ridiculed and I want no part in it.
Being on the Ministry Team has been a huge step for me and I feel as though I have made huge steps pursing the Lord and honoring Him but I still lack the confidence because I look to my flesh for the courage instead of looking for my God given courage in Him to pursue the next adventure He has for me.
I want nothing more than to go after what God is doing now in this present time. I don't want to miss Him because I am too scared to go after it with everything inside me. I get so frustrated with myself because I can be in front of a crowd and speak, crack jokes and be real with them as long as I don't have to "minister" to them. hahaha I am a mess, please pray for me.
2 comments:
God is not looking for a perfect vessel....He is looking for a willing vessel...are you willing? It sounds like you are!
The great thing about praying for people is that the more you do it the more natural it will feel. I remember how strange it felt to start praying for our restaurant servers and now it seems so normal (I usually have to race to beat the kids to it!).
Keep pressing in and trusting God to show up when you pray. He has ordered your steps, now you just need to walk them out one at a time!
I am learning the more are flesh is stirred the more important it is to press through and do whatever God is telling us to do.
As we do, He is VERY GOOD to meet us and empower us and the reward...an acute sense of His pleasure!!!
Bles you as you step out in obedience.
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