Just plain sick!

It's during the first trimester with all my kids that I question why. Why did we make a baby? Why did we want more kids? Why do I put myself through this time and time again? I get so sick that nothing stays down and the thought of food makes me vomit. Who in there right mind would want that?

I say it with every one of them...this is it and don't tell me you want more because I don't! But then Mr. Clean and I sneak into their rooms at night watch them sleep and think out loud...we would be ok if we had one more! Then they wake up and we are thinking out loud...NO MORE!!!! It's a good thing we didn't plan No No or this baby otherwise we would have just Laney! And I can't imagine life without my little guy so I guess this is a blessing even now why I am puking my guts out!

Baby Update

I had my first appointment yesterday and I walked in thinking I am 8 weeks 4 days but I am 7 weeks 6 days. The midwife told me I probably ovulated later in the month or had a double ovulation. WOW...that explains why I'm pregnant. She laughed and told me that's how her son was born.

We tried to do an ultrasound but the baby looks more like a glob than a peanut so we didn't get really good pictures. The heartbeat was strong at 167 and everything looks like I'm progressing well.

Some prayer requests: My weight gain needs to be about 10-15 pounds and I love to eat! Pray for total and complete healthy growth and development for the baby, also for my delivery...I know it's a ways off but I'm starting now. I would like not to be induced and I want an easy labor. I had 2 hard ones with my other two and I just want to have this one with ease...no complications!

Surprise!

I have said it before and I will say it again...we were done with two kids! Two was good for us. One for each of us to contain. Three means they outnumber us and that can be scary when you are out in public! Two...one girl, one boy...life was good and we had a routine down that worked well for us. But then God had to go and bless us with another bundle.

So now my perfect little routined life is interrupted. I want to be very honest with you... I struggled with this new news a lot! I loved being pregnant and giving birth with both my kids but a third baby scares me to my very core. I am not ready nor am I prepared to take on another life. I feel as though my life is complicated enough right now.

And talk about timing! Dan is laid off of work, we just finished the basement to give us a third bedroom only to be maxed again, and I am no spring chicken anymore. I know God is in control and I know He will provide. I'm not worried about that as much as I am my hormonal imbalance right now. I am a mess with my emotions and thoughts. I know it's only for a few more weeks and then I can start to normal out a little bit.

And you would think this would be good news for the family to hear??? But I have had some horrible responses! My heart breaks to hear some of their comments. I mean I don't have a disease...I am carrying a child, their grand-baby. I can only pray that this baby would never know the words they have said and the bad they have spoken over us! Because I don't live my life according to the world but solely to Christ! I know He will carry us through this hard time and I know He gave us this baby so He WILL take care of us!

I don't mean to sound negative myself...I am starting to get excited about having a another baby! It just took me some time to get used to the fact that our family of 4 will soon be 5.

Venting

Did you ever have one of those seasons where things just keep going down hill? You think to yourself...ok this it, I know it's going to get better. But it just doesn't. I am in that season. Things just keep getting worse my the day. I don't like to complain too much but I am at the point where enough is enough!

I will spare you the details for now but I am in need of prayer! I don't want to give up and I am desperately trying to believe for breakthrough but I can feel myself pressing in less because there is no change.

I don't want to lose faith or hope but I need a refill. After standing and believing for something for 3 years my heart has grown weary. I just need to be carried by Him.